Dear Dr. Richards,
It has been one month since I started treatment. I want to give you an update on how things are going. If you see any course corrections that are necessary, please let me know.
I have been on the following treatment for 1 month:
Griffonia Simplicifolia -5HTP (1/day)
I will continue this for 3 months. Over the next ~1.5 months I will taper the GRB6-GABA and Griffonia Simplicifolia -5HTP.
Here is the way that I plan to taper:
1/day Griffonia Simplicifolia -5HTP
0.75/day Griffonia Simplicifolia -5HTP
0.5/day Griffonia Simplicifolia -5HTP
0.25/day Griffonia Simplicifolia -5HTP
Starting on month 3, I will be taking the following to be continued indefinitely:
Vitamin C (Brand and dose to be determined)
Here is the current state of my symptoms:
No pain while touching the erect penis.
Less anxiety. I still feel frequent anxiety (mostly about my recovery process).
I am less anti-social.
Depression is almost completely gone.
Frustration is almost completely gone.
Lessened Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior
I have been somewhat cured of insomnia.
I feel only slightly fatigued.
Collagen bumps seem smaller.
Varicose Veins on the penis are slightly less prominent, those on the scrotum are unchanged.
Quality of the skin on the penis is improving.
Color has return to the top part of the glans partly on the sides.
Penis is slightly larger when flaccid
Testicles are still low-hanging most of the time. They still often seem warmer than they should be.
Warmth has returned to my hands, less noticeably to my feet.
Acne continues to decrease.
Eye floaters are still present.
Frequency of urination has decreased.
Burning sensation when urinating has become very rare and very faint.
Less additional urine leak after urinations, oftentimes none at all.
Impotence is not quite as severe.
Erections are slightly stronger when sitting down, almost as weak and short-lived while standing.
Much sensation has returned to the penis.
My hair has stopped falling out.
Bloating has been significantly reduced.
Stool quality seems to have stopped improving. It is generally poor.
I will elaborate in some areas:
The treatment has done a phenomenal job at decreasing depression. Before treatment, I would prefer to be alone all the time and have extremely negative and obsessive-compulsive thoughts. I can legitimately say that I am somewhat happy for the first time since I can remember. I have an abundance of good feelings. I would rather be with friends than be by myself, however I usually don’t act on this because I don’t feel like communicating with other people most of the time. One exception is that I sometimes feel sadness and depression during and after light exercise.
The treatment has also done a good job with anxiety. I used to feel very anxious literally all the time. There was no escape from the suffering it cause except by sleeping or masturbating. Now, I’d say my anxiety has been reduced to about 35% of what it was previously. Although this is very impressive, I have a feeling it is not enough. The anxiety is still constant, although greatly reduced. I am having extreme difficulty reducing it to zero. If I become completely calm, it’s usually because I briefly forgot about the anxiety. As soon as I realize I am calm, I feel anxious again. In my experience, anxiety is associated with loss. In this case, I am becoming anxious about becoming too anxious and ruining my chances at recovery, which ironically could ruin my recovery. Being in college, I have many tasks that have to be executed at certain times, and so I am anxious about failing to do a task on time or doing an unsatisfactory job. I also think boredom is a big contributor, because I feel trapped with nothing to do (losing the opportunity to do anything enjoyable).
In particular, I am having trouble with sexual anxiety. When I don’t have an erection, I am worried that the treatment is not working and I am not being restored properly. When I do have an erection, I am worried about it not being at full strength and about losing it which would indicate the treatment is not working (which of course eventually I do). I know this makes no sense at all, but this is my thought process. Whenever my thoughts become sexual, I have heightened anxiety focused on the state of my member. One time per week I have been masturbating to pornography. 2 out of 3 times I was anxious and felt I was in the “fight and flight” regime. One time out of 3 I was mostly relaxed and I believe I achieved the deep sort of orgasm which is usually only possible through sex. In my experience, this is only possible with porn.
One correlation I have found is that if I am feeling depressed, I am not feeling as anxious. If I am feeling anxious, I am not feeling as depressed. If it is any indication, my resting heart rate (while sitting down) is about 63 bpm. Before treatment it was about 75 bpm. If you have any advice on how to stop the anxiety, please share. Perhaps I am blowing this out of proportion, since I do estimate it has been reduced 65% and you have said it is expected to decrease even more as I get healthy.
Regarding your suggestions on physical growth, I am planning to implement most of them in two months after I move from college back home for the summer. I have begun most of the dietary restrictions and started to take cool showers. I am still doing light exercise. I haven’t taken any massages yet because they are too pricy. I will try to get one or two in before I end the 5 HTP and GABA.
I appreciate the detailed report since every single minor detail may prove indicative of internal processes taking place.
It certainly sounds that you’re progressing as expected. The notable improvement is what is expected for the initial period.
“One correlation I have found is that if I am feeling depressed, I am not feeling as anxious. If I am feeling anxious, I am not feeling as depressed.”
The correlation you’ve found indicates the biochemical nature of your anxiety. Since you’re less anxious when depressed, the most probable cause of the anxiety (and as suspected) should be the improper nervous modulation on dopamine-norepinephrine-epinephrine conversions and other inflammatory and stress related (and not only) processes. Basically you’re low on dopamine in the brain during the stages of increased depression, which limits the conversion to norepinephrine and leaves you less anxious but depressed (since both dopamine and norepinephrine are important mood and energy modulators). During the anxiety stages is the other way around.
The anxiety you describe is quite typical and I can see the logic behind the thought patterns. Rest assured, 65% improvement is more than what is expected for the elapsed time frame. Although it’s not that vital, I would encourage you to rest during the periods of depression and train right before the anxiety related ones if possible.
5HTP-Nettle and GRB6-GABA discontinuation should be gradual as listed. However, if anxiety and depression are still present during the discontinuation I would encourage you to delay it for at least 1 to 2 months.
Please, keep me updated on the case.
Glad if I could help!